Q: HOW DID THE POLICE FIND THE ROADWORKER WHO WAS STEALING THINGS?
A: WHEN THEY SEARCHED HIS PLACE, ALL THE SIGNS WERE THERE.
Q: WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THE BAKER ACCIDENTLY SWALLOWED SOME FOOD COLORING?
A: SHE DYED A LITTLE INSIDE.
Q: WHAT DO COWS TELL THEIR CHILDREN AT BEDTIME?
A; DAIRY TALES.
BONUS ( and possibly the best)
Q: WHY DO MONKEY MARRIAGES NEVER LAST?
A: BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL SWINGERS.
Q: HOW DID THE ROMAN EMPORER CUT HIS HAIR?
A: WITH A PAIR OF CAESARS.
Q: WHY SHOULDN’T YOU BELIEVE AN ATOM?
A: BECAUSE THEY MAKE UP EVERYTHING.
BONUS
I DON’T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT MY PAN PIZZA.
ITS PERSONAL.
Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A PILE OF KITTENS?
A: A MEOW-TAIN.
Q: WHY SHLOULDN’T YOU TRUST STAIRS?
A: THEY ARE ALWAYS UP TO SOMETHING.
Q: WHY IS YOUR NOSE IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR FACE?
A: BECAUSE IT IS THE SCENTER OF ATTENTION.
AND NOW FOR A STRING OF BONUS JOKES…
Q: WHAT IS THE NACHOS FAVORITE DANCE?
A: THE SALSA
WHAT ABOUT THE SODA?
CAN-CAN
THE RABBIT?
HIP HOP
THE TREE?
SWING
THE ROBOT VACUUM?
THE RUMBA
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST,
Q: WHAT WAS THE EYEBALLS “LEAST” FAVORITE DANCE?
A: THE POLKA.
Q: WHAT DID THEY SAY TO THE GUY THAT INVENTED ZERO?
A: THANKS FOR NOTHING
Q: WHAT DID ONE SHOE SAY TO THE OTHER?
A: I’M A BIT TIED UP AT THE MOMENT.
And as a bonus today, a classic knock knock joke.
KNOCK! KNOCK!
WHO’S THERE?
PENCIL.
PENCIL WHO?
PENCIL FALL DOWN IF YOU DON’T WEAR A BELT.
Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL AN ORDINARY POTATO THAT GIVES ITS OPINION?
A: A COMMON- TATER
Q: IF YOU LEARN ENOUGH OF THESE JOKES, WHAT WILL YOU BE?
A: PUN-STOPPABLE.
( this last joke is pathetic, but I don’t believe it’s a contender for the worst)
BONUS JOKE
EVERYONE HAS A FAVORITE WORD. MINE IS DROOL.
IT JUST ROLLS OFF THE TOUNGE.
Q: WHY ARE BAKERS SO GOOD AT MATH?
A: IT’S AS EASY AS PI
Q: WHAT DID THE PIRATE SAY ON HIS EIGHTIETH BIRTHDAY?
A: AYE, MATEY
Q: DID YOU READ THE NEW BOOK ABOUT ANTIGRAVITY?
A: IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO PUT DOWN
BONUS JOKE…
Q: A CAT SITS IN JAIL WITH A CAMERA PHONE. WHAT’S SHE DOING?
A: TAKING CELL-FLEAS
Q: WHY DID THE COFFEE REPORT A CRIME?
A: IT WAS MUGGED.
Q: WHY WAS THE NORSE GOD BANNED FROM PLAYING GAMES?
A: IT WAS A THOR LOSER.
BONUS JOKE… ( Jack didn’t like this one)
MY WIFE STARTED A BUSINESS SELLING CANDLES THAT DON’T SMELL LIKE ANYTHING. THE CUSTOMER REACTION HAS BEEN POOR. THE CANDLES DON’T MAKE ANY SCENTS, SO MY WIFE DOESN’T MAKE ANY CENTS. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?
Q: HOW DO YOU MAKE AN EGG ROLL?
A: PUSH IT DOWN A HILL.
Q: HOW DID THE DUCK PAY FOR HER NEW LIPSTICK?
A: SHE PUT IT ON HER BILL.
Q: DID YOU HEAR THEY ARE FINALLY MAKING A TV SHOW ABOUT CLOCKS?
A: IT REALLY IS ABOUT TIME.
Q: WHY WAS THE LAWYER SO WELL DRESSED?
A: HE HAD A GOOD LAWSUIT.
Q: WHY DID THE FAMILY SELL THEIR VACUUM?
A: IT WAS JUST GATHERING DUST.
Q: WHAT DID THE EGGS THINK OF THE JOKE?
A: IT CRACKED THEM UP.
Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A HORSE THAT DISAGREES WITH YOU?
A: A NEIGH-SAYER
Q: HOW DID THE MAN FEEL AFTER HIS LIGHT WAS STOLEN?
A: DE-LIGHTED.
Q: WHY COULDN’T THE PHOTOGRAPHER TAKE A PICTURE OF THE FOG?
A: HE MIST HIS CHANCE. (insert sad face emoji here)
Q: WHAT DID THE CONDUCTOR SAY WHEN SHE FOUND HER MISSING SHEET MUSIC?
A: SCORE!!!
Q: WHY DID THE SCIENTIST PUT A KNOCKER ON HIS FRONT DOOR?
A: TO TRY TO WIN THE NO-BELL PRIZE.
Q :WHY DIDN’T THE WOMAN GET HURT WHEN A SODA CAN HIT HER HEAD?
A: IT WAS A SOFT DRINK.
Q: WHY WAS THE PIG CALLED “INK”?
A: BECAUSE IT KEPT RUNNING OUT OF THE PEN.
ALSO……. If there is ever a joke you think is particularly bad, please let us know. Jack and I will review it to see if it is indeed the worst of the year. Currently our worst joke appeared on February 16th 2023.
It has been recorded and we anxiously wait for a worse one.
It is…..
Q: WHY ARE FLOWERS SO SUPPORTIVE?
A: THEY BE-LEAF IN YOU.